Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
