I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
