the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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