dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
