you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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