Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My liver just had a heart attack.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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