ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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