Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
