So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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