Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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