My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
