I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
