I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
