Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
