hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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