well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
