My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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