So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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