I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it hurts more in the daytime
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have already put on my inside pants.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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