you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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