don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm like, not good at living.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
