it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
