is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I touched a dick in church today
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
