this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
