Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
