it's too hot outside to masturbate.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize