i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
