At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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