so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
