I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
