And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
