if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
