I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
