She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
