$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
