the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
