why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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