That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
