Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
