my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
