she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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