How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize