New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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