guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This baby is an asshole
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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