I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
