What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
