I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
