So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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