The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
