He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
