Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
