I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
