her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
