She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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