Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
