the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
