Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
