Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
