im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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