hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
