perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
