her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
