My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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