for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
