my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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