I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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