awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
